Hello. Basically I have had a serious problem for the past two years that has developed to the point it is hindering my personal and professional life.
You see everyone, and I mean everyone sees me different. Some people say I come across as cold and distant, others say I am a shy sweetheart, others say I seem like a guy that doesn’t care about anything etc… But they couldn’t be more wrong.
I have an overactive mind, I overthink everything to the point where I am like "If I ask this question, what will his/her reply be, and how do I deal with that?" I believe I am paranoid because when in social situations I scan the room and think "He hates me. She hates me. He thinks I am ok." But I never think "that person loves me for who I am". I also always smile and laugh during conversations and constanty feel out of place when in a bar or club with people. But sometimes, apparantley because of the way I am I come across as rude or arrogant…
Nowadays I actually breathe a sigh of relief when I get home because I think yes I haven’t made an idiot of myself or made anybody hate me. I actually prefer being on my own now and it is driving me crazy.
I think I have a combination of many things: Paranoia, anxiety, shyness and social phobia. All of my best friends say I come across as confident, and cool. But I think I am the exact opposite and I am living a lie. A life I pretend where I want everyone to like and accept me. I play football and go partying alot, but I never truly feel like one of the group even though everyone says I am funny (When It is only the alcohol talking.)
I am desperate to get over this problem but don’t want to tell family or friends about my deep hidden feelings because I am a private guy. Is there anyway of doing meditation or perhaps mental exercies that can make me walk around truly confident and a totally different man? I mean I know I am arkward but nobody else seems to see it and I think their lying!
Sorry for the rant but I didn’t want to miss any details. thanks for your time. Any answers will be appreciated dearly.
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